World War Z highly unlikely

I for one, love the zombie genre.  But let's not get carried away.

My brother says there are two kinds of people: those that wake up everyday praying for the zombie apocalypse, and those who don't.

I'll have to admit, last summer when that bum ate some guy's face off, and there was a rash of flesh eating bacteria, and the CDC was posting zombie-apocalypse-preparedness-blogs: I quavered at the very notion of eternally living in an episode of The Walking Dead.

First off, true zombies aren't dead.  Nor do they eat the brains or flesh of the living.  According to Voodoo (which originated in Jamaica/Haiti), zombies are people (not corpses), that are so deep under a trance it only appears they are dead.  And they do not hunger for the flesh of the living, they merely carry out the wishes of the person who hexed them.

There is folklore of zombie-like creatures such as ghouls and draugers, but they're not exactly zombies.

According to Hollywood hokum, there are two kinds of zombies:  1.) The slow, shambling cadavers of those who died.  And they feed on brains.  2.)  Some sort of mad-people-like virus that turns us all into flesh-craving cannibals.

Movie and television depicts such catastrophic pandemics as signaling the end of times.  This is false.

For one, let's set aside the fact that some two-hundred-plus-pound floppy-corpse could run-us down in the street, or that the zombie of some-punk-delivery-boy could tear you to pieces.  A zombie would posses nor more or less than the proportional strength or speed of it's living counterpart.

Here's another thing, every time you move, you're stretching and tearing muscle fibers.  Every time you move your shedding microscopic skin cells and hair follicles.  When muscles rip, lactic acid builds up, creating new muscle fibers.  Sure, you lose skin cells and hair, but more grow back.  But not on a dead person.  If you're a zombie, every time you move, muscles and ligaments tear, but do not grow back stronger.  Every time you move, skin and hair flake off you like dandruff, but once again, do not grow back.  Even if you're the most gorged ghoul on the block, you'd still fall apart in a manner of weeks.

And what about when winter comes?  Main-stream-media would have you believe that if a zombie freezes, they instantly lash-out when thawed.  This notion is insanity.  Have you ever put a bottle of coke in the freezer, and then forgot about it?  What happens?  The water molecules expand until they crystallize, and fracture (This is also why cryogenics is complete malarkey).  The same would hold true for any zombie, especially if their cells didn't undergo mitosis.  Every molecule would fragment and fracture, including the brain.  What's the best way to kill a zombie?  Take out the head or brain.  Well, if a zombie's brain freezes and fractures due to the changing seasons, then all you have to do is hide out in your shelter and wait till the metaphorical dust settles.

To summarize, if an apocalypse of the living un-dead ever did happen, it wouldn't last long.  The walking cadavers would naturally fall apart in a manner of weeks.

No, Mother Nature would never be so kind as to grace us with a zombie-apocalypse.  Instead, we have things like Ebola, AIDS, H1N1, and pig-bat-camel-flu. 

Yeah us!