What's the deal with places like, Quality-Way, and Speedmart (the names of these actual locales have been changed to protect the innocent)? These convenience stores, (sometimes), slash, gas-stations, (sometimes), slash, liquor stores; and these special cards they press on people? I, for one, don't have a Speedy-card (Shit. I said it. Oh, well, the cat's out of the bag). But, I frequent my local spots. And even though my ID doesn't scan (due to a crease in it), buying adults products is never a problem because most of the employees know me. Not by name, mind you. They always ask, "Got a *#%@ card?" I say, "No." They ask, "Why not?" I reply, "Because, I don't have one." They ask, "Would you like one?" I politely decline. At which point, they get defensive, and ask, "Why not?" To which, I reply, "Because I don't want one." Then they pester me while dragging out the time it actually takes to ring up my order.
One time, I bought something off the roller-grill. The clerk asked me if I wanted two. I thanked her, but declined. She said, "It's cheaper if you buy two." I asked how much it was for one. She said, "A $1.49." I asked how much it would be for two corndogs (or whatever it was. I can't recall). She replied, "$2.00, out the door." I asked her how $2 was cheaper than $1.49. She seemed flustered, agitated.
But, I digress.
One time, on a whim, when the clerk asked me why I didn't want a *#%@& card, I wiggled my fingers in the air, and eerily proclaimed, "Because, I know the truth, Ooh!" I didn't really wiggle my fingers. I wish I had. The clerk replied, "What, the government?" (Why, is the government the first to be blamed for everything? I'm sure there's a reason). I nodded, letting her lead the conversation. Have you ever done that before? Just made some random, obscure statement, and then went along with whatever the replier said? It's fun. I highly recommend it.
Anyway, three (not one) clerks responded in a cacophonous chorus, "The government don't check that." "It took three years for @$#%$#@-mart to get these cards made up, if that tells you anything." "You don't need an ID." "We probably got about fifty John Does."
Their resounding reassurances did not assuage me in the least.
To be honest, I was previously under the conspiratorial theory that Big-business was in cahoots with the government to keep tabs on everyone: Where they shopped. What they bought.
Think about it; what if you were the type of nefarious n'ere-do-well, who didn't have an address, bank account, valid ID, phone number, or credit card? What if you were hired under the table, and didn't pay taxes? Tracking what liquor store your frequented, and at what time, would be of great benefit to both corporate fat-cats and the federales.
But that can't be right. That's just nervous nonsense. Right? It must be. Who would possibly be keeping track of how many gallons of milk you buy; other then that particular store, of course? Hey, it's great re-stocking intel!
Did you know, you get points for buying alcohol, but not tobacco?
This is truly a confusing age in which we live.
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